Monday, September 29, 2008

You're not allowed to be cagey around me.

Am I cagey?

Tomorrow begins my intense fitness program. I am unprepared as I have spent most of the day massively regretfully overeating and driving and not studying at all.

It was great to see Josh. I brought him a cake and presents and we talked for a few hours. Every time I see him at first I have doubts that I can be sincere with him, but usually at least some true part of me comes out when we relate. Most of the time though I just feel like he's needing something desperately and whatever it is I'm not the one that can give it to him. I'm rooting for him to get a girl, but I think even then he will have his inconsolable moments. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to keep himself down, like I do to myself. I think that's one thing we have in common- it's more and more obvious these days. He's still such a guy though. I cut and served the cake, packed it up, put it in the fridge, cleared the table and washed up without him moving. Not that he should have to on one's birthday, but his total lack of concern in hindsight is hilarious.

Had some random scraps of life recently that I'd like to incorporate into something--

bed sharing- ending with empty bed.
3:30 AM I see you....
3:00AM sweat
2:45AM arm against face. cannot feel arm.
2:30AM go to sleep go to sleep now
2:15 oh god I need to pass gas.
2AM rotating motion
5AM "stop it stop it make it stop!"

"Why are you going that way, we're going this way."
"No... I'm actually going back to my car."
"I know."
"Did you?"
"Being cagey. That's not right. You're not allowed to be cagey around me."
Call me sentimental and all that hogwash, but it's nice to be able to take comfort in knowing someone.

No comments: