Friday, November 21, 2008

One eye was made of a pinwheel. Not a spinning toy that protruded out from his face, of course, but rather a tiny spinning wheel inserted into the eye-shaped socket.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

it's a motherfucker

"living here without you"

i just started listening  to that and all sad thoughts of last year came dancing back to taunt me. i remember dragging myself across the patch of grass to the theater building by myself, headphones on, listening to that song, feeling like such a massive fuckup, praying that i wouldn't have to see anyone i knew and just feeling like i was about to cry myself into oblivion all the time. 


new song.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

i am thinking

About Lambert the Sheepish Lion

Stories I Want to Finish Someday:

1) Story about the Whales.
In a little fable office somewhere in California, the entire floor of office employees decide to use their off-time on the same day in order to go see two dying, beached whales nearby. They have a picnic.

2) Story about Dentist
Girl goes to new dentist after her family goes on medicare. Dentist sucks. Dentist attacks teeth with great vigor, girl cries.

3) Dory
Memory about going to Dory's classroom.

4) Funeral Home
Girl works in funeral home since age 15 with close male friend. Male friend's friend comes to work there too, but the home is outdated and suffering from competition from other more hip homes. As the Funeral Home struggles to stay alive (haha) Girl ponders romantic interests.

5) Story about Election Day.
Young, pro-VOTE activist college student loses her virginity on election day and forgets to vote.

6) Story about Heath Ledger

7) Drunk Dial Story
Girl drunk dials her old friend while waiting for her sober ride at a party. Through dialogue only, she asks him why he never reciprocated her feelings

8) Girl labors over the idea of a Self-Portrait

9) Cat Story
Guy's room-mate kills himself. Guy is left with room-mate's cat, whom he hates but cannot just purge from the apartment. They become semi friends.

10) Owl Fable
To fit my owl drawing.

11) Elephant Fable

12) Story form of Cowboy movie

13) story form of Jackson Hole movie

14) Wine- functional family downs glass of wine over an evening

15) Joel- making friends with friend's significant other

16) the date- boy gets paired with unattractive girl while his attractive girl-friend is attracted to the fourth member of their party.

17) Black nail polish rebellion

18) downtown Ventura- Nell & guy with nose

19) super hero living in a vent.

apples survey
moving day christmas sea of boxes, first snowman on tiny car
man opening pornography box to find crazed cat
marianna talking about gustavo
stopping car in middle of beautiful road to breathe in
getting liscence and crying
the appeal of owls

Thursday, November 13, 2008

so... tired

Sooo. Up all night basically, studying-ish for a test that I'm too distracted to do really well on (how promising). I have much to do. But I am feeling very positive and dedicated this week. By Thanksgiving I should feel semi accomplished. Here's hoping.

I still have quite the problem getting to class. And it seems I may have encountered my first writer's block in a lonnnng time in regards to my short for screenwriting tonight. Not sure what to do about that. I'll work around it.

I just have so much to do and so little organizational skills. But I'ma tryin'.

Here's the exciting bit, and what I was feeling motivated about today-- registration, weee!

I have a minor, and it's name is, of all things, theology. For real.
I was going to go for German but my advisor said maybe not such a good idea as it's been so long, I'd have to take 5 courses rather than 4, and many of them are not offered at good times. Sooo. theology just worked out well. And moreso-- one of the classes offered is on Dante's Inferno. I am so very psyched. And weirded out by my psychedness?

Anyway, also, taking theology as a minor is allowing me more room to take other electives- mostly theatre and conversational german. I'm happy about that. I want to get back to German and I want to conquer it. And then I want to learn French. And then I can rest for some tea. Theatre is just something I miss.

To do:
Cake concert on Saturday. Buy ticket for said concert.
Jon's play next week. Buy ticket for said play.
Send bill & call to cancel card
Send card to parents
Take poor dead computer (yes, more on that one day) to IT guys.
Email supervisor dude

Get started on Theology Paper (women)
Get started on Lit presentation
Finish Second Act of Jackson Hole script
Read/Skim Reading Lolita In Tehran-- basically the only interesting book we 've touched in class.

Enter American Short fiction. And that one on craigslist.

That I may love the right way, the way they need to be loved.
That I may do the right thing.

To catch one up, I must briefly speak on things that occurred one or two weeks ago-- I don't really remember when, but--

Monday Night- The film department offers us filmees a special, free screening of certain movies, often accompanied by Q&A from someone involved in the filmmaking. We get to watch the movies in the theatre here and tis a lovely thing. Anyway, my first experience was REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA. Which was definitely an experience. I was pretty much grossed out by the whole thing and felt pretty ick sitting through alot of it, but that said it definitely had its moments, I was impressed by the cast, and I really, really liked the music alot. The best part, however, was observing the Q&A with the writers, producer and director. They had a great sense of humor and are very passionate about their project baby. That made me happy. And almost forget how ick the movie was. Anthony Stewart Head, though, woo. Very cool man.

Tuesday Night- yeah, nothing happened. I drank a milkshake and fell asleep in the study room. My RA finds me a strange person.

Wednesday- I was invited randomly by this girl in my Survey of Mass Media Class to go to a taping of Ellen, so we took off to Burbank for that. We waited for about ever, and only got into the riff-raff room, but as a result we got guaranteed tickets for January (our pick), and the season 2 DVDs for Heroes. And the people there are very upbeat and fun, so it was a pleasant experience.

Thursday- amazing. A theatre kid here, Sam, passed away (not sure the details) this time last year, and his friends organized a memorial concert for him this year. Sam was a Beatles fan so they played all- Beatles songs. I was very curious about it at first, and was quite dissapointed by what I first heard- many amateurs who apparently just learned how to play the piano or guitar struggling through The Long and Winding Road or Across the Universe (whyyyyy), orrrr dudes who just flat-out cannot sing to save their lives crucifying Lady Madonna and I Am The Walrus (Lennon cries). After that, though, the acts got better and better. Some sang Because in three-part harmony, a fellow played Goodnight on the piano. An amazing band did the ENTIRE MEDLEY at the end of Abbey Road (from You Never Give Me Your Money all the way to Her Majesty!!).. and they were amazing. Another band played all of George's, including Gently Weeps with GREAT success. It all wound down with the whole group singing Hey Jude and us, the audience, singing as loud as we could and clapping right along to the endless refrain- and even after that we sang All you need is Love. That was terrific. It was all outdoors with slight but funky lights and quite a few people sprawled on the grass. It made me fall in love with that music all over again and made me feel like perhaps I had stepped through time for a few hours. Yeah. It made me feel happy to be here.

All of that happiness is of course encased in a yo-yo that dives where it may, but I'm getting a grip on it. We're gonna be okay, she loves you yeah yeah yeah.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


i just want to be a good person, but i want to be a normal person, too. i want to be wanted just as much as anybody else.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Strange Day

There is definitely change in the air. It's refreshing, enchanting, but also dark and terrifying.

Today is/was election day. For all the buildup and hype and as much as I've always valued the voting process as a duty and a privelage, I had actually forgotten about it over the weekend. The frenzy over Obama and McCain took its toll on me much like the massive amounts of candy I consumed over the past three days- it's all really too much. When you become saturated in something, when you listen to the same song over and over hour after hour you become sick of it or sick in general.

I dislike both candidates. I have from the beginning, even though I'll admit Obama is alluring in a sense. People might call me a one-issue voter, as I am strongly pro-life and drawn to any decisions being made on that issue, but I'd like to think I'm more intelligent than just that. I have my reasons for making the choice I did in at the (packed) polling place this afternoon. I am a registered Independent, and I voted for a Republican. This will not make much difference at all this time around, but it puts my concious at rest. I made an educated decision and one I feel correct about morally. Anyway, that was a rabbit trail: my original point was, I am not behind a single candidate this time around. While I don't think McCain is bland, he is not strong. While I don't think he will be more of the same in any sense, he will not provide change. He will not energize our country. But I think he would have protected it. And I think he understands it, and he's unafraid to get his hands dirty. Still, I would compare him to the unexciting democrat, Kerry, of the 04 election. He is not sensational, or interesting, he makes no remarkable promises. He will be forgotten quickly. What is Kerry even doing these days? Ok, another rabbit trail, back to the point that I'm trying to make: the red and blue parties have destroyed politics and divided our country. Their mudslinging is ridiculous and grows more so the further left or right you get. Their power has risen to unbelievable levels, their spending in tow. They have each become about image, and as much as the liberals would deny it, no one paints outside of the lines. As far as I can tell, folks have been under the impression that what's going to happen is going to happen regardless, and that the power of the two parties is too great to stray into more independent territory. Americans have been chosing the lesser of two evils for as long as they can remember (except for Christians involved in Bush's initial election, or for some of the liberals dedicated to Obama this time around--- clearly, in their eyes, their respective heroes are saviors, come to transform America). Passion, for the most part, has vanished. Independent thought has vanished in the shadow of fear. What about the other candidates this time around? Were you even aware of the other candidates? Nader, hiding in the backseat as per every year in memory? Anyone else? How come every issue falls under a blue/red umbrella? We're scared! I know at least on the republican side most people seem to be saying "Well, McCain kinda sucks, I mean, he's OK, but he's not Obama, soooo..." and folk who are wary of Obama are casting their vote for him because of one issue or two that they feel is important. I'm not one to judge, I'm doing the same thing. But come ON folks, if that's the case we're in a sad state. As Dominic said to me recently in regards to the debates, "if these two men are the best of the best, handpicked by their parties as the BEST in all of AMERICA to lead us ALL--- then we are living a tragedy. We need something radical, some incredible change. We need to take some of this tremendous power away from the donkey and the elephant (and where there's power, btw, there is ALWAYS corruption), we need a third party, we need to move on from all that is outdated and make every single person's vote count. We need new campaign methods, we need honesty.

This sentiment isn't worth much at the moment- as I said, I did my duty, I cast a vote for the red, I got a sticker and I'll be quiet but respectful when everyone's partying in the name of O-bam- and furthermore I will be respectful of his person and his office- but I will be praying and looking and acting (if i can) for REAL change, for REAL hope, for all those things that Obama's reign claims to offer but which I fear will not come to pass until we the people do something. I just want to know what that something is.