Friday, October 17, 2008


I can’t say there’s been much excitement here, but I continue to grow and try and fail and try again. It seems to be the way things are always for me, and that’s alright, so long as there’s some sort of inching forwards. I suppose it’s going to simply be slower for me than the rest. I want to be OK with that, but it just simply doesn’t sound wonderful at this moment.

Maureen came to see me a few weeks ago. We had the best day I’ve enjoyed in a long time. I’m attempting to write a short story on the subject, in fact.

Midterms are mostly done, for the classes in which I have them. I did spectacularly in my screenwriting class (figures), and probably decently in the Westerns class as well. Theology is becoming a major issue- first of all I misread the syllabus, which led to a late paper, but on top of this my teacher is now telling me that she has no record of my taking of the first two quizzes we’ve had in class. This is BS as I KNOW I took those quizzes. Unfortunately I have missed a few classes, but definitely not that many. I have major concerns for my grade at this time… but I’m thinking the struggle is perhaps not coincidental. Tis a THEOLOGY class, after all, one in which I read and learn a lot from scripture, and I don’t suppose that anything can really undo my personal progress, but everything can be against me, otherwise. Anyway. I am praying about that. Survey of Mass Media is picking up… we are studying motion picture history at the moment and it’s chock-full of stuff that I already know. Basically I could have taught the class over the past three weeks… unfortunately the class is all lecture and completely restricts me from showing off. Alright. I suppose that’s a good thing. When one raises one’s hand simply to mention that a demonstration of the propaganda film at its peak was Triumph of the Will, directed by a woman, one is probably guaranteed to be at odds in the friend department.
I saw Neil Gaiman at his spectacular reading for his newest book, The Graveyard Book (which I also just finished… it’s not bad, but it’s not my preferred Gaiman style). He was amazing, exactly the kind of person I always pictured him as- incredibly witty, insightful, and of course British. Honestly, his off-the-cuff humor was so satisfying I felt light as a cloud for the whole night and took total delight in his readings. He read for a good 45 minutes, I think, and made his already witty literature about 10 times funnier (the man’s creativity blows my mind). When he was done with that he showed us clips from that Coraline movie (meh… but cool that we got a first viewing), and answered questions from the audience that we had written out and turned in beforehand (he didn’t get to mine… but it wasn’t that original anyhow). He chitchatted a bit about his beekeeping business, and future projects (he said he plans at least two more American Gods books, ANOTHERRRR NEVERRRWHERRRRE!!!!, and “at least” another Stardust story). He mentioned he was “intrigued but fundamentall worried” about the Watchmen movie, pleased with the internet because young people seemed to use it as a tool to further their writing (amen), said that it is his joy to write in a gazebo, that one year his daughter Maddy dressed up as her father for Halloween, and made a remark that the cold in Minnesota is the stuff that science fiction is made of. He ended the event with a reading of one of his more obscure works that has recently resurfaced- Prayer for a Blueberry Girl, written for Tori Amos’s daughter before she was born. He was lovely, it was all lovely, and I’m glad I went.

One night here we had a comedian, that dude that does The Soup on E!, come and do his act. McHale I believe his name is. Anyway, he was surprisingly hilarious and a nice diversion from life.

Last week or so Ariel and I were sitting in our room, at our respective desks, working on our HW until rather late, 2ish. At one point Ariel’s friend came in and they were chitchatting while she worked, so I just put my big headphones on and listened to that horrible MIA song (which, yes, I’m liking) over and over until, to my startlement, I heard a male voice in our room. I turn around and there’s this bum-weirdo dude who lives on our floor just… in our room. I do not know how he got there. I swear. Anyway, turned out he was in my screenwriting class (Which I only vaguely remembered when he mentioned it), and once I took off my headphones to say a bewildered “hi” he looked at me with this lazy, mocking expression and asked me about stuff for our midterm. Obviously he didn’t care about the midterm, though, or anything. He is also in Ariel’s class. But he wasn’t there to study. His presence just really creeped me out in general- as it was 2, our door wasn’t open, and we were both in our freaking pj’s, thank you, so I was really put on edge by the whole experience. And ever since I have not stopped seeing this guy around. He is everyfreakingwhere, and now he sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME in my screenwriting class and WATCHES me. He knows he bothers me is the thing. Ugh. I hate his face. On the upside I did compose some nice doodles last class as I was avoiding said face.

Actually, after class last night I did have a great time- the tiny asians and Marlena and I were all supposed to go out, but that fell through, so Marlena and I just hung out at Iggy’s and ate bad food. I felt bad about the food, but the conversation was really rich and enthusiastic and I really appreciate the friendship that we’re growing into. It’s odd how we’re not alike at all but in other ways totally similar- it makes me wonder if we’re all like that, if I just simply found a revoltionary way to get to know everyone if I would find how much I could connect to them… naah. But it’s a nice thought.

Right now we’ve got this three-day weekend thing going on, which is nice for everyone but me as I am staying put. I’m trying desperately to get some things done for myself but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me all the time… if I’m not depressed I’m anxious, I’m always messy, and I can’t seem to do what I need to do! I’m going to drive myself completely insane one day.

“Run from crazy snake man, they’ll shout!”

Alright. I have nothing insightful to say, I’m just too stressed by my lack of perspective at the moment. I did hatch a brilliant idea last weekend for a short film- a Western Surrealist Film. All caps. J It’s about purgatory and purpose (and purposelessness, while we’re at it), and I’m very into it at the moment. That is all.

Speaking of purpose, I’m going to watch the rest of Memento now and not feel bad for myself. At all.


Sonja Nitschke said...

I wasn't sure if you wanted me to comment or not when you shared this blog with me, but I thought I would anyhow because you're my friend. If you prefer no comments, let me know.

I'm sorry about your school troubles *hug*.

I wish I could say something encouraging about that third to last paragraph, but since I frequently experience variations of high to low/anxious/depressed feelings that I, myself, do not know how to deal with I'm afraid anything that'd come out of my mouth would be a bunch of rubbish.

I don't know how you feel about counseling, but most schools have a center that is free for students. I enjoyed my mock therapy group, even though I did end up in tears. But, for the first time in a long while, I felt as if nobody was expecting something from me.

Also, that dude? C-R-E-E-P-Y. I never know how to deal with those kind. I hope he goes away.

Katrina said...

oh, you never need feel the necessity to comment, but if you feel so compelled I do not complain. :) so long as i just don't start being self concious and writing for other folk, like i said.

ah therapy. i have been to a counselor before, i went last year when i was just lower than low. I'll think about the ones here, but I feel like my mind is just sort of overcomplicated and in order for anyone to really help me out they'd have to spend ALOT of time in order to know me. so i don't know if we'd get anywhere. it's mostly just motivation and organization and doing away with negative and messy thoughts right now- i'm not depressed at all (not happy, but not sad). thank god. just really frustrated with myself.

anyway. <3