Hmm, so it would appear that things seem brighter today. Still feeling a bit overwhelmed but the sense of exhaustion has passed and I'm feeling optimistic again. I finished my Shakespeare final today, a few hours ago, thank God, and thank God also for acting on my desperate pleas to spare me even though I hadn't studied. I opted to take it early so that I could attend my friend Josh's film screening, but upon waking this morning and bemoaning my existence I began to rethink that plan. Still, I reread some key quotes on sparknotes and flipped through The Tempest (of which I am not a fan. stupid play. stupid magic island) and sallied forth. The test was not hard. In hindsight I'm kind of kicking myself for forgetting to add some specific examples in some of the essay portion, but i think I'm in solid territory. Anyway. A shower later and I'm feeling better. Or something. The insignificant things fade away.
I think part of my problem is that, as someone who has such extreme inner reactions to most things, I don't always have an outlet to do so, so emotions can get backed up and just burst out when given the proper nudge. This is why when I really laugh, I laugh till I cry, and why if I'm moved by something it will haunt me for awhile.
I was at church yesterday, which seems like a long time ago, just beaming happiness about existence, when Pastor Mueller outed me for being an almost-post-grad. Later, a kindly, loveable old fellow that serves as one of the elders in the church (one of my favorite people there) approached me, cornering me, and I waited, confused, half-expecting to hear sage advice about life post-college or questions about what I was going to do. Instead he looked me in the eye and said "On the condition that you don't tell anyone where ya got it," and crammed a tidy sum of money (though anything is a tidy sum for me at this point) into my little fist. I had no idea what to say except "Noooooo!" and "THANK YOU" and "NOOOOO." It was completely unexpected. He said he was going to use it for seed money for something he wanted, but thought that I would probably be just as good of an investment.
It was nice. And then what do I do? I come back to school, bitching and moaning about feeling like crap. How stupid. People can be so kind.