Sunday, March 28, 2010
attractive men, part II, in which katrina shrinks herself by waxing poetic.
I actually want to explore my attraction to this person for a moment: I think it's a strange phenomena. He's actually someone I actively observe in "celebrity-mode" and find just as attractive out-of-character than on. This is, I suspect, because I find his backstory very interesting. The man came from a weird, salinger-esque homelife where drugs were pushed at him, ended up in jail a million times [and even then, in-trial he sounded devastatingly smart when he talked about what it is to be addicted], and went to rehab, and fought his way back when everyone was out of patience for him. He's also politically moderate (wut? someone in hollywood thinking for themselves?!). And self-deprecating. First of all, self-deprecation can be really bad, but I'm super drawn to it because I use that sort of thing often for a number of [probably unhealthy] reasons. No, the main element here is that the fellow has done bad things and seen stuff and come out the other side-- aside from speaking to someone's strength for kicking that lifestyle (black tar heroin?? really????), that sort of change implies immense maturity in someone. That they caved to those temptations early on in a big way but they put it all behind them and are now all the wiser. This comes not through reading books but by experience.
I know that's the wrong sort of thing to be drawn to, and that in many cases simply "saying no" is the bravest thing you can do, but I guess when you grow up around very good kids you start to wonder why they're all saying no-- is it because they're aware of what the repercussions could be, or is it because their mums warned them that it was bad? It's like growing up Christian. I honestly believe that there's a point where you have to FIND your faith and recommit to it if you've been IN it all your life. Though those of us who have been brought up in and are still a part of the Christian lifestyle may be "lucky" in the sense that we haven't had to know "searching desperately for the truth," we are also denied the joy of finding and coming to the conclusion ourselves, something that can make faith so strong. I feel this way about most things in life. You may call me a fan of the epiphany, but I lean more towards the appeal of struggle and hard work being repaid. And I'm endlessly drawn to those who have suffered like that-- usually by their own hand-- but find a good path in the end. Success, comeback stories. Knowing for certain that you've seen EVERYTHING, for better or worse [not that i encourage going into the world to do just that], and you've found the right door, the right life, the right person to be with and the right person to be. You've tried on so many personas and this is the "good" one. The one who DOESN'T do black tar heroin and who uses their incredible talents appropriately. That's why I think I dig RDJ.
A few weeks ago, someone that I found amiable but not particularly attractive refused the offer of a cigarette, saying he had quit two years ago. All of a sudden his attractive points went up by 10. I'm call this the RDJ phenomenon, something that truly exists.
...That, and his voice is hot. And he has that ridiculous nonpretty nose. And the eyes aren't bad, either. And he's known for his support of writers, so we may as well get married.
Just wanted to get that out of my thoughts-- I don't really enjoy being someone that's drawn to celebrity, so I like to think that there's usually one reason or another for my fixations. And btw, Dear Internet, no, I am not actively stalking nor planning on wedding the man. Though, of course, if he makes an offer...