Saturday, March 27, 2010

impending marriage.

it's that time again, time to assess my future husband options. they usually don't change all that much from year to year, especially the classics, however they do tend to change in rank. age is never a consideration.

yes, this is serious stuff.

...i'm on spring break. and that's the only apology for this you're going to get out of me.

Paul Newman.
You will always have my heart.

The con being the marriage of the Hollywood Century and... y'know, DEATH, but I think we could still make it work. Especially in his cowboy days, hell-o.

Adrien Brody.
Half hot, half ant-eater, all cute. He's got the Oscar, which would make the perfect bookend to my future Best Screenplay prize, and he's just precious. He knows he's not traditional leading man material, which makes him hot. Yes. We like unconventional. We like that nose, damnation. Also, he's in with Wes Anderson, who is of course my future best friend.

The main con in this scenario is the fact that other than the snazzy suits and whatnot, Adrien has this wannabe rapper thing goin' on. Which is strange, because generally Brody seems like the smart type. Probably has to do with him being in that Spike Lee movie. DAMN YOU, Spike Lee!

Young Tom Waits


Young Bob Dylan

I would take either folk years or electric, post-motorcycle accident years, even though he was kind of a prick then. The clothes! The wordplay! The typewriter! The weird weird brilliance. The mystique. Yes. Take me back to the 60's when men were intriguing.

Lee Pace

Yeah, I think you're kinda gay, but should that be the case we can work it out. You have very sympathetic eyebrows.

John Krasinski

Once my mom asked me for an example of the type of person I could actually picture myself with, for real. Me: "Jim from the Office." Mom, without hesitation: "Oh good."

Jon Hamm

Funny, hot, funny, suave, tall, brilliant dresser. Funny. Hot. The end.

The Wilson Brothers

Yeah, I dunno. Texas?
Owen can write brilliantly, also, thus a major plus.

Hugh Jackman

He sings. He dances. He beats people up BUT most importantly he can rock the cowboy thing without being ridiculous. Also he's been married to his nice yet older wife for years and years, despite having acted with le kidman, le judd, le johannson and so on.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Be still my hipster heart.

Greg Kinnear

Underratedly hot.

Hugh Laurie

Four years ago he still had hair, and he was hot. He is still hot, but I miss the hair. Smart. British. Tall. Depressed. SELF DEPRECATING. Hot voice. Strangely, motorcycle enthusiast and reader of Wodehouse. We could also hang with Stephen Fry, one of my other future buds.

Paul Bettany

Gangly, SMART, hilarious, SELF DEPRECATING, John Lennon fan and perpetual smoker. Also, played Geoffrey Chaucer once, which is always a plus.

Jason Bateman


Neil Gaiman

I know, I know, old again. But so charming and unconventionally hot.

Jonathan Safran-Foer

I know he looks a bit nebbish, but anyone who can write like that belongs with moi. We can work out our religious differences later.

Jason Schwartzman

What a beautiful-in-real-life kind of person. And multi-talented. And buddies with Wes. And a part of the Coppola family. His mom is Rocky's Adrian. His cousin is Sofia, his Uncle must be Francis Ford. But enough with the connections. He's hilarious and precious and perpetually five-o-clock shadowed. And apparently a great kisser. There's the height thing, but we'll get him some tall shoes and everything will be fine...

see part two for my strangely lengthy poetic waxation on RDJ.

addendum: Ben Affleck in HJNTIY. He's actually never been hot, poor fellow, but dammit, he did the dishes and he gives good hugs.


Sonja said...

...I also really enjoyed this post. Pretty.

Emily Gant McGuire said...

I don't agree with all of your choices, but I do agree with most of them, as I'm sure you realize.