terribly, blanket-over-the-head, cannot-do-anything-including-taking-out-the-trash, self-loathing-and-hyper-aware-of-profound-loneliness, sleep-all-night-and-10-hours-a-day depressed. cyclical. will get better. hate everything. hate self. hate world. frustration because i don't actually hate world. annoyance because maybe, in the slightly paraphrased words of Oscar, "You don't HATE you, you LOVE you! You think no one else has problems LIKE you!!" which, in the end makes me hate me all the more. terribly, deeply isolated in a way that is familiar but is becoming progressively more intense. need to dig tunnel in order to escape.
but at points all that melts away-- and right now is actually one of those points, thanks to this:
the old fallback. i would be literally dead were it not for this funny, rough and sentimental album, and that song, oh that song that belongs to everyone but feels designated for only only only this girl.
"and when the night is cloudy, there is still a Light that shines on me-- shine until tomorrow, let it be."
that part always gets me.