Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i and love and you.

sometimes, for fear or sadness or emptiness, the heart just aches.

for the beautiful, the sublime, the sad, the lonely feeling as well as the happy one, my heart aches. times like this i just don't know what to do with it.

since my return from spring break, it seems like all i've done is listen to this song and cry. and it's the weird sort of crying, where it's not terribly epically emotional, no sobbing or sniffling, just a strange, steady stream of tears, like i've sprung a leak or something. like a kid who has just hurt himself but hasn't quite registered it yet.

from an email to my friend:
otherwise, i just have to mention that when i went back inside the other night and turned the lights off in the kitch, jesse james music was still playing and it was sad death music when i saw you drive away. said sadness has followed me here, where i remain inconsolable. not because i have to be here, for very shortly i won't, but due to that dreary knowledge that there's so little positive familiarity in life and in the foreseeable future. for some reason right now i feel like i did when dominic said goodbye for virginia, just so sad because i don't know what's going to happen and these comfortable times that make me feel slightly less frightened are so few and far between.

brooklyn, brooklyn, take me in.

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